I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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