Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So squirting runs in the family.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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