I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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