PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
