there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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