i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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