It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
