I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
