Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
