We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
