Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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