And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
