I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
