The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
