hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
