Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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