When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
