i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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