Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
