I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
