Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
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There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
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I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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