You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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