Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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