She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I deserve this hangover.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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