dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
