that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
