if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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