this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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