lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
