cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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