I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
