I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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