I skipped work to stalk him.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
