We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
