WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
