alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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