so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
