the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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