dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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