He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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