let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
