Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
North Korea, Best Korea!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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