I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it hurts more in the daytime
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
