Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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