I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
