Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
