Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
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