I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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