You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
