The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
