Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
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We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
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How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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