Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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