dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
