Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
