I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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