I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize