My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
