and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
