The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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