why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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