can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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