he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think my moral compass just broke
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
