sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
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You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize