You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize