i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
