I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
