barbara walters just said penis...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
