we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
