So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
