it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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