Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They took my balls.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
