im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
